Another year and decade (!) gone...

I can't believe that it's 2010! Some friends online have been tweeting about the exciting things that happened to them this past decade. They've said things like meeting that special someone, getting married, having kids and it's a little depressing that those are all things that happened for me during the previous decade. If you want it to sound *really* bad, they happened in the previous century!

While I don't think the decade itself has been depressing, the great things that have happened in my life haven't been as grand as the things that happened in the 90s. But, I wanted to spend some time thinking about what the great things of my past decade have been. I hope I can remember. :)

I was able to take some great trips: visited family in Seattle with Maranda a couple of times, visited family in NYC once, visited family in Colorado a few times, and this past year took a great vacation with our camper through Nebraska, Colorado, Kansas and Missouri.

We moved from Lincoln, Nebraska to Green Bay, Wisconsin and while we were sad to leave the friends we'd made in Lincoln, we really like Wisconsin and for the first time in 8 years actually live fairly close to an actual relative of Mark's. Mark has been able to enjoy snowmobiling a lot more than he could in Nebraska. And, there are actual bodies of water here! They were sometimes hard to come by in Nebraska. :) Plus, I've noticed that a home in Wisconsin seems to be a much more attractive vacation spot for people in my family. My sister and her family NEVER came to Nebraska in 8 years. They've been to Wisconsin twice in the past 3 years!

I started my graduate work towards a Ph.D. Hopefully, I'll complete it in 2010! But, the journey I've taken for this step of my education has been very fulfilling. I love being in the classroom and I can't imagine not being a student in the classroom again. I will always seek out ways to learn more. I really believe that we are all lifelong learners.

I've made some great friends. Most of them no longer live nearby and as Maranda gets older, it's more difficult to make friends with other kids' parents because these kids are getting too old to be accompanied by their parents anywhere! But, even though we live far away from many friends, technology makes it so much easier to keep in touch. And, in fact, that technology has helped me make other new friends, some of whom I've gotten to meet in the past couple of years.

I can't believe that Maranda is a teenager and in high school! So, something to look forward to in this upcoming decade is her continuing adventures through her education from high school on through college. I can't wait to see what she decides to study and becomes more and more the person she is meant to be.

The other thing I can't believe is that Mark and I have been married for over 15 years. At the end of this decade it will be 25 years. In some ways, the years have flown by. In other ways... :) No matter what, it's always interesting.

So, here are some things I'm looking forward to happening in 2010:

1. Completing my dissertation & graduating with my Ph.D.

2. A graduation party in Lincoln with the opportunity to see lots of friends there.

3. Summer vacation, hopefully with friends coming to visit us here.

4. Publishing an article in a journal based on my dissertation research.

5. Going to lots of Maranda's softball games this summer.

6. Spending summer days out on the boat that Mark just bought.

Well, a Happy New Year to you and yours.

Dissertation worries...

If you've been following my status updates on Facebook, you know that I've been counting down interviews that I'm doing for my dissertation research. As of tonight, I've done 34 interviews and have 6 left to go. I've got to have a minimum of 40 interviews for this to work, according to my committee. I've been providing mp3s of each interview to a medical transcriptionist who I'm paying to transcribe these interviews. I pay her by the hour and based on what she's done so far, it's going to cost me about $3,000 to have them all transcribed. But, I think she'll have them all done for me by Christmas or New Year's and it will save me a ton of time. I think it'll be totally worth the money.

I've got this niggling doubt in the back of my head that makes me wonder if I'm getting the information I need from these interviews. I've got to get information from the students I'm interviewing that will allow me to assess what developmental stage they're in and I'm not completely sure I'm asking follow-up questions that are really challenging them to the point of being able to pinpoint that stage. If I have to do these interviews over (which will actually mean finding 40 different students, because I won't really be able to ask the same students again), there's no way I'll be able to graduate in May. I think I've got what I need from the interviews, but I also think this sinking feeling is required of all doctoral students. At least that's what I've heard from a few people. I don't know...

Once I get all these transcriptions done, I've got to start analyzing the interviews. Plus, each person does a short survey that I'll have to look through. Then, I've got to do the part that really scares me...the statistical analysis. I am so horrible at numbers and just thinking about the statistics almost make me begin to hyperventilate. When I'm to that point, I'm going to have to identify some strong support systems.

Earlier in November, I got a letter from the University saying that I'm officially a candidate for my Ph.D. It included an analysis of my transcript and they reminded me that I've got two courses with Incomplete grades. They were both seminar courses that are like Independent Study, so I've got to come up with what I should do for the credit. My advisor says that it's got to be something that could theoretically be publishable. So, basically, I have to write two publishable research articles. I don't have to actually submit them for publication, but that would be kind of cool. However, I'm not sure that I have time for all that. I'm hoping to get one article done in the next couple of weeks while I'm in the process of analyzing the first few interviews and waiting for the remaining transcriptions. I'm starting to narrow down topics for my first article, but I'm not too sure about what the second one will be.

Right now, I've got 5 interviews scheduled for this week which leaves me to figure out one remaining interview. I've got emails out to about 5 or 6 different people asking them to help and they won't respond at all. I wish they'd at least tell me that they aren't interested. That would help to have them tell me that they don't have time. But, I can't really go seek out other random people with the way I've set up my research question, so I'm going to have to be really annoying and keep asking until they say yes or no. This last group has been asked 3 times already. Frustrating...

I still think I can get all these done before the students start their finals week on Dec. 14. Well, there's all my worries about this dissertation thing. It helps just writing them down.

My Gripe for the Day

Man...I hadn't realized that it had been so long since I'd written something here. Apparently, I only have time for updates that are 140 characters or less. A lot of times when I write here it's because I'm ticked off about something and have to get it off my chest so I can sleep. I don't think it's going to keep me from sleeping, but I do have a gripe today about work. (I have good stuff, too. I'll get to it at the end...I promise.)

So, my most recent frustration without naming names or sharing too much information...

You know I work at a college with students outside of the classroom. Many times I (and my staff) have advisory relationships with students and groups, but not supervisory relationships. There is a BIG difference. So, recently, with one of our leadership programs, a small group of students decided they want to put together a program about sexual assault for other students. They wanted to bring awareness of the issue because they perceive that we as an institution have been avoiding this topic. (We haven't been avoiding it, but have focused more time and attention on alcohol education which has a direct link to sexual assaults on our campus, but haven't really directly expressed this link.) So, a month ago they came up with a program that had some "shock value," which is what I think they wanted. We recommended they change their program (there was a really graphic short movie included in their plan that just would not have been appropriate for the public space they were using).

At this point, they went and talked with the psychologist on staff at our counseling center. He gave them some recommendations and a list of 15 items that the National Collegiate Health Association has regarding sexual assault programming. Most of those items were things like changing policy, etc. They weren't things that would be accomplished in a 2-hour program. So, the students went ahead with their own plan that was changed from what they originally had thought they'd want to do. Along the way, they changed their date once or twice and they changed ideas about what they wanted to do. All of these things are very normal when you deal with students. Plus, this group of students was about 4 freshmen and 1 sophomore. They really are fairly inexperienced program planners and leaders.

Well the psychologist kept responding to emails from one of the students, but at some point when it became obvious that the students weren't doing exactly what he recommended, he got pissed off. The emails from both him and the student started to get really snippy with each other and you could tell that they were both getting frustrated. It finally came to a head last week, when the psychologist demanded to know who in our department was responsible for this group of students and wanted to get this person to reign in these students. He clearly had an expectation that we should have been much more directive and dictate what would be an appropriate program. Part of the wisdom I've learned in the 15+ years I've been in this profession is that students know what other students want to attend. When I start getting too involved in dictating the content of a program, it is no longer interesting to 18-22 year olds. So, my staff member continued to advise the students, but was letting explore options that interested them. Finally, the psychologist and his boss called a meeting to get the professional staff in the room together. He identified a total of 8 professional staff members, including himself that he thought should attend.

My boss and I told my staff member that was working with the students not to come. She had a conflict with the meeting and we thought it was a little excessive to have 8 staff members have to figure this out. So, he and I went. The psychologist immediately wanted to know where the staff member was and why wasn't she there. He wanted her there because he thought he'd spent way more time dealing with these students than her and shouldn't she be the one spending the time not him. And, she needed to be there to answer his questions. While he went through this, his voice was raising. Suddenly, my supervisor jumps in and his voice is raised too. His face is turning red, eyes bugging out and totally yelling back. This is highly unusual in the kinds of meetings I generally am at. I said online earlier, colleges normally have kinder, gentler meetings. :) Basically, the psychologist wanted to call my staff member on the carpet and somehow make her be totally responsible. In my head, I kept hearing a phrase like "heads are gonna roll." He kept coming back to wanting to know exactly who was responsible and who would make the students stop planning the program. As a part of the conversation, he seriously called the students liars and said that he wouldn't trust them to put on ANY program no matter what they did. Plus, this man is former military which may mean he comes at this from a different expectation than we do. We deal with the meeting, try to talk through some different options that would work better for the student program and leave.

My point is that we're at the college to help students learn. How will they learn if we just tell them we don't trust them and they can't do a program...end of story. Students have to experience things to learn...not just read about it or be told about it. They need to learn how to plan events, etc. and sometimes a failure is a better learning experience than a success. So, we're still not inclined to tell them to stop everything.

We talked with the student group and told them their options and told them to think about what they want to do and tell us. (By the way, the scheduled date for this program is Nov. 18. So, it hasn't happened yet and there's still time to make adjustments.)

This morning, the students have let my staff member know that they want to keep their program on the same date and don't want to change a whole lot about what they'd planned. Then, we find out the psychologist is out there emailing faculty members that had been identified as working with the students in some way (by providing advice, giving extra credit to students who attend the program, etc.). It's like he's trying to continue to prove some case against some person. Maybe, the case is against my staff for not providing close enough supervision, but he's totally pissed off and not being very productive for anyone.

So, my question is...shouldn't a psychologist have a little better understanding of this developmental process? And, I know his concern is about victims/survivors of sexual assault attending the program and being retraumatized, but in this process it's like he's traumatizing these other students. It's become this big mess where he's trying to win and make the students lose, which is not helpful at all.

This didn't end up consuming my entire day like I thought it would when I first got to work this morning, but I really don't appreciate this man's attitude or what appears to be his philosophy in working with students. I honestly wonder how long he'll last in his position at the campus. I don't think he'll be let go, I think he's just going to get fed up and quit. This is certainly unlike his previous experiences in the military and in private practice.

Okay...I promised good stuff too. I've been getting interviews scheduled for my dissertation research. I've completed 5 interviews....35 more to go (I'm hoping to be done by Dec. 11 when students start final exams). I just met with a women tonight who I'm hiring to transcribe my interviews. It's going to get a little expensive, but I think it will be totally worth it. I also got doctoral students in my program that have been trained on my interview method to agree to be my second raters on every third interview as is required for this protocol. Things are looking up for getting things done.

My timeline currently is to complete interviews by Dec. 11, begin analyzing transcriptions Dec. 11 through Jan. 15 or so, begin to figure out my statistical comparisons starting Jan. 15, do those comparisons by the end of January and write, write, write through Feb. I want a rough draft to my advisor by March 1, make revisions and defend around April 1. I've gotta just power through it.

All right...I feel better. How about you?

A long day, but it's all good

Today, at work, we had a leadership retreat for student leaders on campus.  It was kind of a continuation of a retreat we do with this same group of student leaders in September.  We had about 90 students - Resident Assistants, student interns in my office, multicultural affairs, career services, health services, student government officers, and others from other student organizations.

Our focus for the day was diversity and acceptance.  We did an activity called Boxes and Walls, where students acted out different situations in rooms for the participants that depicted a variety of situations that portrayed privilege, language barriers, disabilities, LGBTQ issues, etc.  After participants went through the rooms, we had some time debriefing them in small groups and in the large group.  Then, they got into their working groups and came up with actions steps that will allow them to take what they have seen today and influence others on campus.  

The theme we had been using in Sept. was a quote from Robert Kennedy: "Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope..." I was on deck for closing the day and trying to tie everything together and I was able to use this quote, as well as some more from the same speech that this one came from.  I think it turned out pretty well and students afterward were saying that they thought it was really good.  

We had a few glitches in the morning that were small organizational types of things, but overall things went very well.  I'm super exhausted, but it was a good day.

25 Random Things

I got tagged on Facebook on that 25 random things deal that everyone is passing around lately.  You're supposed to write 25 random things about yourself and tag others so they share too.  Here are my 25 random things.

1. I watch way too much television thanks to my DVR - my current favorites are Chuck, Lost, Fringe, Big Bang Theory, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Brothers & Sisters, Desperate Housewives.  Reality TV guilty pleasures - Confessions of a Teen Idol and Sober  House on VH-1.

2. I'm not religious, but I do believe in karma or the power of positive thinking or something along those lines. (Unfortunately, the higher power might be part of the Dharma Initiative.)

3. I am addicted to my iPod (which right now is actually Mark's cuz mine died) and all the various podcasts that I listen to on a regular basis. I can't sleep without it.

4. I often think I don't do enough.

5. While I do enjoy sharing stories about me and things we did in the 80s, I am a much better person today than I was then.

6. Red Robin has always been one of my favorite restaurants.

7. My friends are my family no matter  how far away they may be or how infrequently I see them or talk with them.

8. One of the best old TV shows is The Odd Couple and my sister and I can quote entire scenes to each other.

9. I wish I had the time and money to visit friends and family more often.

10. I am counting down the days until April 12 when I can get an iPhone.

11. I wonder why kids don't like Bugs Bunny like they did when I was a kid. I remember watching those cartoons with my brother, sister, mom and grandfather. Everybody loved them!

12. I love to visit big cities, but I'll never live in one again.

13. Our dog Mickey is 9 (I think) and the vet said he's geriatric the last time Mark took him for a check-up. He's a miniature schnauzer. And, if he's geriatric, what does that  make us?!

14. My favorite hobbies are reading novels, cross-stitching and scrapbooking. I don't have enough time for any of them.

15. I owned a 1972 Ford Pinto in high school. It's the only car I've owned that wasn't a Honda.

16. I love Pullman, WA and all the college experiences I had there.

17. I enjoy making new friends through online communities.

18. My dream vacation would be in an RV driving through and staying in Yellowstone National Park with my family (that's Mark and Maranda, not everyone else...that's too many people in a very confined space).

19. The older I get, the more I appreciate alone time.

20. I've voted for the democratic candidate in every election since I was 18 - even in Nebraska when it felt like my vote didn't really count.

21. Everyone I know can recognize me by my laugh.

22. I have never thought of myself as thin, but I sure wish I could've appreciated myself at the weight I was at back in the day.

23. I love having friends and family over to our house - for a meal, a day, or a week.  It's great being able to share food, togetherness and laughter.

24. One of my favorite things about work is having students just come in and start talking to me about random things - if they need help with something or just want to talk.

25. It scares the crap out of me that my husband just said, "Okay, I just built the Polaris I want online." (It's a snowmobile and, no, we can't afford it!)

Something fun to do

I got this in an email the other day from a friend. Here are my responses that I sent back and forwarded on to some other friends. Thought I'd share with everyone. :)

***
45 ODD Things about you!
FILL IT OUT and pass it on and also back to the person that sent it to you! Learn 45 things about your friends, and let them learn 45 things about you!  If you answer these somewhere else, put the link in a comment. :)

1. Do you like blue cheese salad dressing? not really
2. What's the furthest place you've traveled? furthest from where? where I grew up? where I live now? I guess it would be NYC (I've never left the continent)
3. Do you own a gun? I don't, but Mark does
4. What's your favorite drink at Starbucks or other specialty coffee shop? at the coffee shop across from campus, my favorite is a Honey Latte w/soy milk
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? not usually
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I like them. They're best from over a campfire. I try to ignore how they're made.
7. Favorite Christmas Song? Blue Christmas by Elvis Presley
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Diet Coke (I'm betting that most of you could have answered this one for me) :)
9. Can you do push ups? I have no idea. I don't plan on trying.
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? I have a new necklace from a Lia Sophia party that I really like
11. Favorite hobby? Scrapbooking
12. Do you have A.D.D. ? I might
13. What's one trait that you hate about yourself? that I need to lose weight
14. Middle name? Lane
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: I'm hungry, I have to go to the bathroom and how much longer til it's time to leave
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: Diet Coke, flavored & sweetened water and Fresca
17. Current thing you worry about now: Working on my dissertation
18. Favorite homemade meal: spaghetti and meatballs (just got my Italian grandmother's recipe over Christmas)
19. Favorite place to be? under a warm blanket reading a trashy novel
20. How did you bring in the New Year? at home with the fam and a couple of Maranda's friends
21. You like to travel? I love traveling, but do prefer the road trip. It's even better with the camper.
22. Name one person who will complete this. Well, Jennie already did in my yahoo email account :)
23. Do you own slippers? Yes, but I never wear them
24. What color shirt are you wearing? blue shirt with black sweater
25. Like sleeping on satin sheets? not really and right about now flannel sheets are way better
26. Can you whistle? sometimes
27. Favorite color? green - any shade
28. Would you be a pirate? no...the way they talk is annoying
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? none
30. Favorite girl's name? Maranda (duh) :)
31. Favorite boy's name? Christopher or Joseph
32. What's in your pocket right now? These pants don't have pockets
33. Last thing that made you laugh? an internet post
34. Best bed sheets as a child? all my sheets as a kid were plain ol' white. I had cool ones in college with the Boynton cartoon cat
35. What's the craziest thing you've done? table dancing in college :)
36. What church do you attend? I go to Common Prayer on campus during the school year
37 When was the last time you went camping? last summer, but my camping isn't like other people's camping. I bring along the A/C, my kitchen and a bed.
38. Who is your loudest friend? I'm not sure who is louder than me? haha ummmm....maybe, Shelby
39. How many pets do you have? 1 dog and a 20 gallon tank of fish (I have no idea how many are in there)
40. What's your biggest fear? being yanked underwater by some unidentified creature and drowning or being ripped apart by giant, rabid dogs
41. Worst injury you've ever had? 4 staples in my head on the Fourth of July in 2007 (that was the repair, not the injury)
42. What is your favorite candy? Good N Plenty or Reeses Peanut Butter Cups
43. Favorite Sport? softball - Maranda's team. I don't watch many other sports
44. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Watching this week's episode of How I Met Your Mother
45. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning? Damn, it's cold!

Happy New Year!

I don't normally do New Year's Resolutions. Why? Because I don't normally stick with them. Why bother when you know that they're arbitrarily set and then not completed? And, generally my life runs on the academic calendar so new goals, etc. get set in June/July as I think about the next school year starting in August. Well, I need to set some goals for the calendar year of 2009.

The most important of them is to complete my dissertation. Now using this terminology might lead one to believe that I'm part way through my dissertation. No. I'm not. I've begun research and reading articles/books/etc., but no writing as of yet. I'm hoping to use the blog to help hold myself accountable for this goal. It absolutely must be complete by December 2009. I must get more motivated!

The second thing that is becoming more and more important is that I need to lose weight. I feel like this is pretty cliche to decide on this at the beginning of the year when it seems that everyone else is making a resolution like this. But, it seems like every few weeks I'm putting on a pound here, two pounds there and it just keeps adding up. I'm the biggest I have ever been in my entire life. I weigh more now than I did 13+ years ago when I was admitted to the hospital to give birth to Maranda. And, I had gained 70 pounds during my pregnancy! This is ridiculous. My clothes (even my "fat" clothes) are starting to not fit and I can't be healthy at this weight. So, I'm considering joining Weight Watchers. I've got to do something and I need to do something that I'll stick with. I think I'm gonna try out a meeting and see what I think. If that doesn't work, I still need to figure out a way to lose weight.

Connected to this second goal, is my goal to start doing some sort of exercising. Even if it's just forcing myself to climb the stairs every morning at work instead of taking the elevator, I've got to start somewhere. The hard part is all the ice and snow (and below zero temperatures) keep me from going for walks outside. But, I need to figure out a way to ensure I spend time everyday getting in some sort of exercise.

My fourth and final goal for the new year is that I need to spend some time figuring out a way to be more motivated at work and with my work. I haven't felt all that motivated lately. I'm sure it's because of all the changes that are going on, but I feel like I haven't been the supervisor my staff needs. And, I'm wondering if I'm even cut out to be supervising our department. I don't know if it's just a lack of self-esteem or confidence. Or, if I really need to spend some time examining my strengths and applying them to what I should be doing. But, I need to address the issue.

So, hopefully, I can accomplish these things during this new year - 2009. Any suggestions, thoughts or encouragement would be greatly appreciated (and not just today as you read this, anytime). :)

I hope you're able to reflect on some of your own goals for 2009 and start a great new year!